I moved… again

I moved… again.

Oh how those words haunt me. It seems as though it is all I do, move. I can never let myself get too comfortable. 

I wasn’t expecting this move. It happened out of the blue. 

The studio I was previously in, ended up having a leak that was going to take much longer to fix than my complex expected. For this reason, I was moved to a different unit at the same complex. This unit is WAY bigger. It is a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, with a cute little baloney and plenty of storage. Levi has so much more room to roam around. His favorite spot is to lay out on the deck. He will spend hours out there. 

I moved… again. 

I know this move was nothing like my past moves, but the feelings I once had ended up resurfacing.

I wish I could fully explain it, but I can’t. It’s hard to explain if you’ve never faced it. You see, I once didn’t have a home… it was scary and one of the hardest times of my life. I would never wish it upon anyone. So, now I do everything I can to keep my place. My tiny studio was frond upon by many, but it was mine and I was proud of it. I never cared about the size. all  I cared about safety and it being mine. I knew I didn’t want to depend on anyone. 

I moved… again.

Now, I have a bigger place. Filling it – is overwhelming and terrifying. I keep thinking about the what if’s. I think I have had a panic attack almost every day since moving in. It is just big. It may not be big to you, but it is for me and I am not use to it. I do hope, with time, this place won’t feel as big and scary anymore. 

I moved… again. 

I bought couch. I didn’t have room in my studio for one and now, I am planning for the other furniture pieces to be added. I am doing my best to add to it little by little.

I moved… again.

One of the biggest things I am grateful to have is a full sized bathroom! I love taking baths and unfortunately, I haven’t had a bathtub for quite sometime, but now I do! How exciting is that?!

I know to some it may sound silly because it’s so simple, but when you haven’t had something, it’s pretty cool, yet scary at the same time. 

I moved… again.

I wish I didn’t know what it was like to move so many times. It is exhausting. Now, here I am trying to create a space I may one day feel comfortable to call it home. I know though that this too, maybe temporary. 

I moved… again.

And in the midst of the pain this move has brought up, I am here. Trying to build a home for myself and my furry son. 

I moved… again

 

All my love,

SydneyPaige 

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