The Valve

Valve: any device controlling the flow of a substance through a pipe or passageway.

To say the least, this week has been down right crappy. It is as simple as that. Everything has felt 10 times harder than it usually does. I have been pulled in many different directions and multiple people needing my attention. Usually, I am able to balance it all, but this week, I have not been able to. I have felt completely low on energy, constantly overthinking, and just feeling blah, for lack of a better word.

Most of the time, I am able to keep my blinders up and stay focused; but for some reason, a small piece of my wall has weakened. I am good at pushing my stuff aside and doing what I need to do. I don’t want to nor have the time to deal with “it” right now. This is where I am at. But, I am not sure what to do when the valve slowly releases and the water begins to leaks through.

And breathe. Allow the valve to release, Syd.

I am tired. Really, really tired. And I am not talking about the type of tiredness where I just need to sleep. I am talking about the tiredness where no matter what I do, I don’t feel like I am moving forward. I am talking about the tiredness of being stuck. I am tired of not having answers. I am tired of the pain I feel in my body. I am tired of being tired.

My faith has been tested more than ever before. Yet, I still keep picturing the little girl who encountered God at such a young age and knew God is real. Oh, how innocent she was. That is what I hold onto; the little girl being completely confident in the One who created her.

Breathe, and allow the valve to release, Syd.

I stay busy. I work three jobs (which I love each of them) and I am in full-time school. I work hard every day and I stay on a strict schedule. For the most part, I keep to myself and do my own thing.

My safe place is my Jeep and music is language. It has been with me through it all… I am in control and I am the driver. With my hands on the wheel, and music of praise playing as it sings to my soul, tears slowly begin to roll down my cheeks. Eh, this is the part I hate; but oh, how my heart needed it. The valve needed to be released and the emotions needed to flow. These are the moments that are so incredibly raw and vulnerable.

In the valley I know that You’re with me. And surely, Your goodness and mercy follow me. So my weapons are praise and thanksgiving. This is how I fight my battles.

~ Surrounded (Fight My Battles)

I wish I could say I have it all together; but the truth is, I am human and I have my moments.  It is okay, not to be okay. It is okay to just be. I don’t know all the answers and I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I do know this: God is love and there is always hope.


All my love,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s