Truth is… She’s tired; and she’s not talking about the, “I’ll just take a nap, kind of tired.”
She means, she’s really, really tired. Tired, to the point where she has no energy to even do the simplest of things.
If you know her, you would know she use to be so well put together. She’d actually get dressed everyday. She’d shower, do her makeup, and usually put on a dress or something fashionable.
She doesn’t do that anymore and she hasn’t for awhile now. She’d be lucky just to get a shower in. Honestly, it’s been three days since she last showered. Don’t get me wrong, she always tell herself she’s going to, and she even gets the point of turning the water on; but then, she can’t do it. She can’t muster up the energy. She use to take hour long showers and she would even get yelled at for taking all the hot water. Now, just the thought of showering makes her cringe.
It’s the same thing with the pile of clothes that have been sitting on her couch for over a week. The dishes she hasn’t washed are still on the counter, yet she keeps telling herself to do them tonight, but then tonight turns into, “I’ll do them tomorrow,” but then, tomorrow comes and the dishes are still there.
She’s tired; really, really tired.
Tired, to the point where she has stopped going out with people. She doesn’t make plans because she’s scared of commitment. Scared of being hurt.
For the most part, she has already given up on herself. Well, she thinks she has. Still, there’s this small part of her that sparks through from time to time. Maybe, it’s her childlike self that gleams through for just a second. Occasionally, she’ll swing on a swing set or play a board game. I think that’s part of the reason why she keeps going. That childlike self, reminds her of hope; and she knows, these is always still hope.
Hope in love. Hope in life. Hope in God. Hope in herself.
And because of that, she’ll go on another day.