A pinky promise is the act of two pinkies locking together to a bind a promise and a foundation of trust. The kiss on the thumb seals it in place.

This is what I do every week with the lady in the black chair. And every time, an overwhelming flood of emotions fill my body. I wish I could fully explain it, but I am not sure I can. At times, the tears fill my eyes as I wish I could stay in this safe place forever. The world is scary and in these few minutes I am safe, I am grounded, I can breathe.

And breathe, Syd.

You see, the lady in the black chair is very special. She knows the ends and outs of me; and may even know me a little better than I know myself. She’s the closest one to me and has never left my side.

She knows just what to say. Sometimes, I just sit there, stare, and wait. Other times, I’ll talk about random stuff hoping it will redirect the focus on something else, but she knows that usually does not work. And; sometimes I am as stubborn as a rock and my wall is impossible to break down. But, the lady in the black chair knows just how to get through to me.

This particular day was harder than most. Have you ever felt so tired the smallest of things like showering and getting dressed makes you cry? Have you ever felt so low, you can’t see any way out? Have you ever felt like giving up?

It breaks my heart to say it, but this was where I was at. Everyone has their moments and this was mine. I won’t be ashamed of it either. Sometimes, life is really hard; and sometimes I am not all bubbly and positive. I am human.

“I’ll see you later,” as I stood up and embraced her warm hug.

“Next week?” She said.

I said, “yes.”

“another  week? Pinky promise?”

And as our pinkies link together, chills run through my body, “pinky promise,” I replied! And we both kissed our thumbs to seal it in place.

Until next week my sweet, JES.