I know the day will come when you ask me where you came from. I know one day you will ask me if you grew in my belly and I will gently say to you, “no, you didn’t.” I know it will then be followed up by another question. “Where did I come from, mommy?” And this… this will then start the conversation of foster care and adoption. This will open the conversation about your story.

A story where drugs, alcohol, and abandonment is intertwined with beauty, grace, and redemption. A story that is not black and white, but fully submerged in the grey. A story that is not a straight line, but a zigzag that’s constantly moving forward, yet also moving backwards.

My heart breaks knowing you will feel pain and confusion as you try to understand your story. I know there will be moments where you wish it wasn’t true. I know it will feel like you are alone, but I promise my dear little ones, we have each other.

You two have a connection and bond that is so strong no one will ever be able to break it. You two, not blood related, born just two days shy of six months apart, not “true twins,” but full sisters. You two will get it, so hold onto that. Love one another as you navigate the rollercoaster of emotions and lean on each other for support and guidance.

I know there will be times when I wish I could take it away, but I won’t be able to do that; and I don’t think I honestly want to. I don’t ever want to erase your story or where you came from. You are the key holder of your story. You get to decide what you would like to do with it, who you would like to share it with, and who gets the honor of walking with you as you continue to learn about your past. You are the key holder; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There may be a time where sadness becomes your reality. Don’t be afraid of it. Don’t fight it. It will feel yucky and foreign, but don’t run. You will have your sister and you will also have me. I won’t try to wave a magic wand or pretend your feelings aren’t valid because they are. Instead, I will sit with you in your sadness for however long it may be and when you are ready to immerse, we will breathe a breath of fresh air together.

When you are ready, I will be here to have an open and truthful conversation with you.

As I have said since day one, “You are safe. You are worthy. You are loved.”

Remember, S and L, you are the key holder, don’t ever forget that.

With all my love,

Your chosen mom