Black Curtain

“Where should we sit?” She asked. “We can go to our usual spot or sit up top? We can even, sit behind the black curtain.”

I laughed, “Oh my lanta, what?”

“Really, we can worship all crazy.”

So, there we were, sitting away from everyone, behind the black curtain. One of us, sick with the flu and the other, a hot mess from the night before.

With our feet hanging over the chairs in front of us and our bodies completely slouching – they say, come as you are. We definitely did.

Worship began and it was a time to give thanks, reflect, and just be. Have you ever just listened to the piano? Or truly listened to the words of praise and pure forgiveness Jesus has given us? Have you thought about where you are in life and how Jesus meets us in our brokenness?

With my hands up, it hit me hard. Jesus is meeting me in my brokenness right now, and I was not ready for it. I tried to hold back the tears and take a few deep breaths, but it was too late. I was in full blown crying mode. I wanted to run, hop in my car, and drive away; but then I heard, stop running. I decided to stay.

As my pain became known through my tears, I stood there, allowing Jesus in. I felt stripped of my clothing. I felt like I was standing in a room completely naked. My tears flowed through like water and there was no way I could stop them. My whole body ached.

I realized, my protective side has been working so hard at being strong and not allowing my brokenness to be known, that it has even built a wall up to Jesus. What? How is that possible? I love Jesus. Well, it is, because there I was, finally allowing Jesus in on what has been weighing me down.

I walked back to my seat and my dear friend wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to pull away and say I am fine, but I didn’t. I needed that hug and I needed to allow myself to feel comfort. I am not fine. Breathe.

I then heard a tiny whisper, “aren’t you glad we sat behind the black curtain.” We both giggled, knowing full-heartedly, it is okay to just be.

I think many of us, me included, forget how to just be… to just sit with where we’re at in life. Often times, we get so caught up in making decisions, places to be, and buying the next big thing, but Jesus wants us to invite Him in. He wants to bring healing and guidance into our lives. I left service feeling completely drained. My eyes burned from the tears I cried, but my heart felt love and acceptance. Jesus wants me as I am; and as I continue to work through my brokenness, that is something I need to remind myself of. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I make mistakes, I cry, and I can be a hot mess at times, but Jesus chooses me, and he will continue to choose me every single day.

My future is in the hands of my Savior. It is going to be okay.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

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