Take me Back

Stop. Put your phone down and close your eyes. Put aside all the busyness of your day and shut your mind.

Now breathe.

Remember when things use to be so simple? When the biggest worry was hoping your sister didn’t call ‘shotgun’ for the front seat before you did; or trying to figure out what game to play first on the playground.

Remember what it as like to be a kid… what it was like to swing on the swing set and pretend your flying. Remember what it was like to feel unstoppable.

Keep your eyes closed.

Now, what did you want to be when you grew up? Was it an astronaut? The president? A doctor?

I’ll tell you what I wanted to be. I wanted to help others through my music. I wanted to sing, perform on stage, and dance. That was my dream.

I told myself no matter what happened, I couldn’t lose my dream, but somewhere along the way, I did lose it. Between the surgeries, losing my ability to walk, the constant physical and emotional pain. My dream slowly faded.

The kid inside me began to slowly die. I hardly recognize that girl anymore. I wish you didn’t have to grow up so fast, little Syd. Oh, how that breaks my heart so dearly.

I’ve become the person I always said I’d never be. Lost, confused, molding to what everyone else wants me to be.

I wish I could go back… before all those bad things happened. I wish I could savior every moment. Between the little giggles, the games of tag with my sisters, running around the house shirtless, and jumping on the couch. I wish I could back.

Everything changed so quickly. Now, I lie in my queen – sized bed, in my own big apartment. Questioning, how on earth I got here. I am nowhere near where I used to be… but oh how I wish, little Syd got to be a kid when she was a kid.

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