Dear Diary – from my 13 year old self

I decided to try something new. Since I have started this blog, I have always said I will be honest and raw, regardless of what people thought. Still – I found myself holding back. Holding back, certain things because I get scared of what others may think or say. Which means, I am not living out the purpose of my blog. This blog was made for me and to help me heal… turns out by healing yourself, others began to heal too. The words I write are from the heart and maybe, someone will be encouraged or realize they aren’t alone.

As some of you know, in December of 2006, I began writing my whole life down. From the good to the bad, and all the highs and lows, and everything else in between. Never in my life, have I shared my journals… actually, I started working through them with my therapist, other than that, these journals carry the ins and outs of me. This is vulnerability.

So here I go… sharing an entry from December of 2009. I was 13 at the time and have already underwent three hip surgeries.

Welcome to my life as I learn to find my childlike self again.

(December 5th, 2009)

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I found out I need to get a fourth surgery. And today, I haven’t been talking much, I have just been by myself. My fourth surgery is going to be four hours long. I am trying to be strong for my family and myself, but I am breaking apart, and I just want to give up. I am tired of going through so many surgeries. I want to be able to walk again and be normal. I have to have faith that I will get through my surgeries.

Faith and Believe

As I read this entry, tears began to fill my eyes. I wish I could tell my 13 year old self that it is going to be okay. I wish I could tell her to love herself and that normal is so overrated. I wish I could tell her that it’s okay not to be strong.

I would tell my 13 year old self that faith is a beautiful gift and how God found her way back in her elementary school years to equip her for the trials she would face.

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