Stuff… I am Struggling

I am struggling… and not the way you probably think. I am struggling with what I have. Weird, right? I am struggling with the physical items that are now in my possession. I am struggling with the big open space I have in my apartment. I am struggling with the walk in closet I now get to call mine. I am struggling with the full size kitchen, wood burning fire place, and a bathroom so big I can’t believe I have it.

I am struggling with the fact that I left a place that was once bad for me and I landed here. People say, I should “be proud,” but I don’t feel proud. I did what I had to do, just like you would have too.

I am definitely overwhelmed with needing to fill this space. As of right now, my walls are bare, my room is empty except for my bed and a stand, and I don’t have chairs for the dining room table. Though, I need to fill the space, I haven’t been in any hurry. In fact, I need to take it little by little. If I don’t, well, let’s just say, no one wants to see Sydney ugly cry (lol).

There are certain events that have happened in my past that has caused me to be turned off by stuff. I don’t have cable or fancy TV (in fact, I don’t even have internet hooked up yet, I’ll get that very soon though), I don’t wear designer clothes, and I don’t go out sending money.

I am very simple. The fact that I have this huge apartment to myself is a blessing, yet at times seems like too much. So yeah, I am struggling, but again, not in the way you may think. I am struggling with the fact that I made it here. Sitting on my cozy comfy couch with a cup of tea in hard; and I get to call this place mine.

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