scream but be quiet

I wish I could scream, but nothing comes out. I wish I could run so far that no one could find me, but I can’t move. That sinking feeling in my stomach makes me sick. The overwhelming feeling is like a huge wave, sweeping me up and there’s no way out.

I know this all too well. I can’t hide from it. I see it, I see it all. I hear it, I hear it all. I feel it, I feel it all. So clearly, it’s like I am reliving it. Over and over again. I want to scream louder and louder, but still, nothing comes out. It feels as though I am trapped in a cage with no way out.

I just sit. I sit quietly, smiling, pretending everything is okay. Pretending, I’m not fighting a constant battle. I tell myself to “just breathe,” but that only works so many times.

So I wait. I wait until I can feel my feet on the ground. Until, I feel the weight lift, but it’s never really gone. It’s just hiding until, it’s ready to strike again.

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